We Are Officially Empty-Nesters – A New Study Says We Should Be Happier Now

CNN Health reported on a new study out of Heidelberg University in Germany, which found that parents are happier than non-parents in old age, but ONLY if their kids have moved out.

We are a sample size of one: we dropped off our youngest to college in late August and were on a plane to Costa Rica within the week. While our oldest still lives at our official home address, we plan to travel for most of the next year, so we’re essentially childless. Are we happier?

Happiness could be the result of empty-nesting or of Pura Vida

We are certainly very happy right now. Our youngest had a smooth college drop-off, and while she has called multiple times with questions (about opening a local bank account or filling out forms for the health center), she seems to be integrating well. Our oldest has been self-sufficient since she was 10, so we’re sure she loves having our place to herself. Since we don’t have to worry about either of them, we can just enjoy ourselves.

That said, our happiness could also be due to spending 30 days in Costa Rica, the country whose slogan is Pura Vida, or simple life. Even the dentist office here overlooks the beach. We’re technically in the low tourist season because it’s supposed to be rainy, but the beach is still beautiful in the rain.

After two decades of Type A, New York City hustle (the “New York minute” is real, time does move faster there), it’s been a welcome change to let nature dictate our schedule:

• 5:30a – wake up naturally when the sun rises and walk a few blocks to the beach
• 6a – walk on the beach. Playa Tamarindo is about a mile from end-to-end
• 7a – cool off in the pool and dry off with the sun. Luckily, our condo unit is steps from the pool

• 7:30a – change into exercise wear and walk to the gym
• 8a – Boot Camp class on Monday and Friday; yoga on Tuesday, spin on Wednesday; Zumba on Thursday
• 9a-5p – write, read, run some errands
• 5p – head to beach for sunset

Happiness is checking off items in my queue — 4 books, 10 movies, 2 weeks

As I write this, we have been here two weeks and one day, and I have finished four books from my reading list and watched 10 movies from my Netflix queue. I don’t have a quota, but my left brain still wants to measure something. I thought I would do more writing while I was here, but I mostly write in the morning, and that time is now earmarked for the beach and gym. So far, I have only written on the weekends when there are no classes at the gym.

Finding time to write has been the most challenging thing since I have gotten here. I was hoping to write so much that I could stockpile posts for October and beyond. Instead, I am just on pace for September. I am contracted for seven posts per month to my Forbes column, and I have three down. We aim for 6-8 posts on Costa Rica FIRE, and we have four published or in the queue. I may not be jumping ahead, but I’m not falling behind.

Theoretically, it should be really easy for me to carve out time for writing in that 9-5 block when we are mostly indoors anyway to avoid the sun. But we have regularly been taking naps and eating very slow meals. After years of back-to-back work meetings and quick meals at the work desk, this is a very welcome change.

Another noticeable change is how free our schedule feels now that we don’t have to coordinate with our kids’ schedule or plan our meals to incorporate their preferences. We both like to eat early meals – dinner over before 6p most nights. That was next to impossible when we were juggling afterschool activities that lasted well into the evening.

Will the happiness last when college isn’t in session, or if our youngest boomerangs?

The Heidelberg study shows that children who still live at home have a negative effect on parents’ well-being. Our youngest just started college so she’ll be home for holiday breaks and summers. She also might be a boomerang kid who comes back home after she graduates. How long will our empty-nesting feel-good moment last?

It’s true that we are not 100% untethered from our youngest because we still plan our travels around the college calendar. There are four to six weeks of uninterrupted time in between major holidays or school events we need to attend. These gaps aren’t long enough for the slow travel we would like to do (my target is to rotate to a different continent every 3-4 months!). However, it still beats the standard one- to two-week vacations we would take before.

In fact, this is where Costa Rica comes in handy yet again! Yes, Costa Rica is critical to our FIRE plan, and it fits our investment plans. We bought property in Costa Rica primarily for financial reasons, not personal ones. But as a bonus, this is a great place to spend those four- to six-week stretches of time in between school events. We already have a place to stay. And when we’re here, it gives us space from our oldest, who is a boomerang.

Children might be less of a factor to happiness than FIRE

In addition to the Heidelberg study, CNN summarized other research which shows less of a happiness difference between parents and people without children. In fact, a report by the Open University in England found that couples without children were happier than parents.

Children are a joy but take time and money. The Open University report found that couples without children worked more on their relationships – they do have more time after all. I would also guess there is the added benefit of having more money — to spend on date nights, to take romantic vacations, even just to offload the stress of day-to-day living.

Happiness has as much to do with achieving a level of FIRE, as it does to becoming empty-nesters. Empty-nesting gives us more time to ourselves for sure. But FIRE gives the financial means to take the trips, to pay for college without derailing retirement, to have multiple properties so we can have some separation from our oldest boomerang as needed.

We each define our own happiness

I found the study amusing, and it’s always good to take a pause and think about what makes you happy. But we just plan to enjoy whatever stage we are in when we get there.

How about you? If you are an empty-nester, are you happier now or when the house was awash with kids?