Turning 50, Part 3 – Practicing Abundance And Gratitude

Maybe it’s turning 50 or maybe it’s the pandemic upending things, but whatever the root cause, I’ve become more introspective. I have been rethinking my perfect day (turning 50, part 1) and what that means for the next few years (turning 50, part 2). I feel like I’m ready for big changes to my business and maybe even our real estate investing, but the specifics I don’t know yet.

In the meantime, I have been focusing a lot on this concept of abundance – feeling gratitude or at the very least, feeling less worry and scarcity. If I’m being honest, I’m more pessimist than optimist, a glass half-empty person. Actually, I think the half-full v. half-empty question depends on whether you’re pouring or drinking, which makes me a realist I suppose. Regardless, optimists are happier (Psychologist Martin Seligman has excellent books on this topic – see Flourish or Learned Optimism). I’d rather be happy than not!

With the pandemic, market volatility, increasing inequality and other concerns playing 24/7 on media, one has to be proactive to tilt the balance to the positive. In lieu of consuming the often-negative mass media, I have been proactively choosing lighter fare (loved the movie Dream Horse with Toni Collette).

I’m in the middle of an 8-week challenge to go more with the flow

Years ago, before we hit our FIRE number and my chief worry was money (now it’s meaning), one of my coaching friends recommended a book to me by Tosha Silver, It’s Not Your Money. It’s a catchy title, so I have always remembered it, and when the Kindle edition came up on super sale on Amazon, I jumped on it.

The book’s premise is that it’s not your money, it’s God’s (or the Universe or Source or Divine Abundance if you prefer, since the book is more spiritual than overtly religious). The message is soothing and motivational – e.g., offer your best effort but remain detached from the outcome, everything works out in the end. Silver has a snarky voice for someone who is writing about communing with the Divine. She also writes beautiful, sometimes funny prayers about being open to receiving.

For the traditionalists:

May I know I deserve to have abundance. May I know I deserve to have enough

For the comics who like to pray:

Every day, God makes me more open to receive.
What a miracle, that I, of all people, am finally open to receive!
How the heck did this happen? I’m suddenly open!
I am ready. Receiving gets easier every day.
I am one with this expansive Source of all
Everything I need always comes, and I gratefully receive
I am so, so damn excited to receive

This book is a welcome alternative to the many business and leadership books I read. It also comes with an 8-week challenge that includes writing a gratitude each day and decluttering. So far, I have redone my kitchen pantry, linen closet, storage closet and half of my jewelry, and I’m not even at week 4! I’m very encouraged.

100 Dreams becomes 100 Things To Be Grateful For

I also focus my late in the day reading on more inspirational books. My current read, Gratitude: A Way of Life, edited by Michele Gold, is an uneven book, but strikes the uplifting tone I’m looking for. One of the essays mentioned writing long lists of gratitudes – 50+, instead of one or two. OK, game on!

I encourage my coaching clients to list 100 Dreams so they get more in touch with things they want. So I turned the mirror on myself, and listed 100 things to be grateful for. I already was writing short gratitudes for the 8-week challenge, so I dipped into those entries and added many more. Even then, the whole list only took about a half hour, and that was with trying to be specific and detailed.

It was an impactful exercise, mostly because the ease of coming up with 100 things reminded me how much I have to be grateful for (the point of the exercise!). It was also a funny exercise since it was very clear after reviewing my list, where my current priorities are:

I wrote just two things about the kids. Clearly, I enjoy being an empty-nester and have moved on from my identity as a parent. It’s OK, as my kids don’t read my blogs, and the two items were quite flattering to them – i.e., our youngest is flourishing in college, our oldest is doing much needed work in social services.

I had 15 entries about nature things, which makes sense since we moved to Florida to make nature a bigger part of our day-to-day:

1 – That first view of Atlantic Beach as you walk up the stairs and over the deck

2 – Watching Rocket run

3 – Sunrises on Atlantic Beach

4 – How wide the beach is during low tide at Atlantic Beach

5 – How much space you still have for long walks during high tide at Atlantic Beach

6 – 40 miles of continuous beach in Jacksonville!

7 – Sunsets on Playa Tamarindo

8 – Noticing these crustacean creatures (Atlantic mole crabs) popping in and out of the sand – I previously thought they were just inanimate shells

9 – Losing track of time watching the Atlantic mole crabs and not being late to anything

10 – Seeing a skate fish (or sting ray?) do a backflip out of the water at Amelia Beach

11 – Dolphin sightings at Atlantic Beach

12 – Seeing lots of turtles, including the babies, swimming at Bird Island

13 – Clouds 

14 – Driving along A1A and seeing the clouds framed by the palm trees

15 – How the water looks purple when it hits the shore in certain sunlight

I had 17 entries about activities, like thrift store shopping and road trips, which was also very self-affirming makes since we deliberately are trying to prioritize having fun.

I had 11 more materialistic things, such as scoring 3 Pyrex bowls for $10 at a thrift store, including one that looks just like the rice serving dish from my childhood! These bowls have a prominent place in my kitchen now.

I had focused some of my daily gratitudes on work and was surprised that I had 18 entries there. I listed clients who I have worked with for 3, 5, even 7 years and who are still fun and rewarding partners. I listed new clients and the breakthroughs they made. I have been feeling just average about how things are going, like I’m coasting and not growing, so it was nice to remember all the highlights. Perhaps, I am taking my work for granted and enjoy it more than I realize.

But the big winner on the gratitude list at 37 entries – more than double any other category — was FOOD. I had lists of favorite restaurants. I went on and on about how good the food scene is in Jacksonville, New York City and Tamarindo. I itemized specific dishes I love — the roast duck from Main Noodle in New York City is still one of my top highlights from the reopening, the red curry at Tuptim Thai is my new go-to comfort food. Specific desserts made the list because I have a serious sweet tooth — Pizzookie Tuesday at BJs Brewhouse! My love for road trips and eating collided with entries about on-the-road favorites, like Pierogi Mountain in Columbus Ohio, The Roanoker in Roakone Virginia, Morris Family Restaurant in Bloomsburg Pennsylvania and The Moose Café in Asheville North Carolina. I even had some home cooking discoveries; since our oldest stopped eating meat, I figured out how to customize some Filipino dishes for her and make chickpea, instead of chicken, appretada! Apparently, I think a lot and journal a lot about food.

Calories aside, I am encouraged by my list

We keep our days slow and mostly unscheduled, and I keep thinking I should be doing more. My list shows I have been slacking off, but am closer to nature and also doing things that bring real joy, so I feel less guilty about slowing down. The newly organized closets from doing the challenge don’t hurt either.

What’s on your gratitude list?